All is forgiven and a couple of camels.

Thankfully, Anna has forgiven me for calling her Heinz-Beans!

 

Hi.

I do not share your sense of humor Juliet and you never explain how you manage to heal someone with a bong? Anyway I like my Job and I take it very seriously so I am going to be square with you. I habour no animocity and I have forgiven you.

I would like you to provide me with the following information to start with: Full name, Address, phone number, occupation, age(date of birth), family status, and travel experience.

I need these informations which is the basic requirement in order to proceed. However I will be asking for more informations later but that is after you have been officially granted the will of ownership. Yes I know what I just said and I am definitely certain about it.

Please furnish me with those requirement as soon as you can so I can continue and again, what time exactly is suitable for calling you? I would like to conduct a litte meeting of familiarization over the phone for a better acquaintance so please let's schedule a time when we can talk on the phone.

With regards

Anna Heinz

 

 

She wants to talk to me on the phone. This is why I am deaf, so that can't happen. I tell her about my travels and the tragic accident that robbed me both of my hearing and my husband.

 

 

 

Good afternoon Miss Heinz

I pray that you are well and happy on this beautiful day. I apologise for the delay in replying. I am incredibly busy this time of year in the run up to the Easter period. As you will appreciate, this is an integral part of any Christian's life and worship and one of the most important times of year for us. I have many activities and missions to organise and facilitate so I do appreciate your patience.

To answer your questions.

Full name : Reverend Mrs Juliet Gertrude Hyacinth MacBeth

Address :   27, Minge Lane, Worcestershire, WR8 OLT England

Phone number: 

Occupation : Ordained Priest

Date of birth : 01. 02. 1966 age 50

Family Status : Widowed, no children

Travel experience: Please see below.

I have travelled extensively during my lifetime. I have been to Botswana, Tokyo, Egypt, Grimesthorpe, Iceland, Mexico, Sweden, USA, France, Scunthorpe, Greece, New Zealand and Cleethorpes. Whilst travelling though Egypt with my now late husband Horace in 1997, we had a terrible accident. We'd booked on an organised trip to see the pyramids which included a camel ride, something we had both been wanting to experience for many years. We'd completed the pyramid viewing which was incredible, breath taking and humbling and were firmly seated on our respective camels. We were all happily trotting along, being led by experienced handlers when my husband's camel suddenly became spooked by a bird that kept flying around  his head. The handler tried to flap the bird away not no avail. Horace's camel managed to break free of his handler, startling the others in the group who all became skittish and frightened. Horace's camel began to run incredibly fast, first in one direction then another. Horace was unable to hold on and was flung with great force, to the floor. My handler had managed to get my camel under control again and I was able to dismount and run to my beloved Horace. He wasn't moving or breathing and as I bent over to try and resuscitate him, the camel ran at me, kicking me in the head as he sped along. I can't really remember anything else. I woke up in El Shoruk Hospital, confused and scared. I learned that not only had my beloved Horace not survived the accident, but I had a fractured skull and my hearing had been irreparably damaged by the kick to the head. I have seen many specialist doctors since and no one has been in a position to help me.

The accident made me have a new perspective on life. I lost my one true love but am lucky to be alive and realised that life is for living, wouldn't you agree Anna?

Regarding the phone call. I can still speak to a degree but I am told my speech is rather muffled and hard to understand. I do most of my communication via email. We could certainly do a Skype call but I would need a sign language interpreter for me if that is ok?

I wish you a pleasant afternoon Anna (do you mind me calling you Anna? Miss Heinz sounds terribly formal) and I look forward to progressing our arrangement further.

Best wishes

Juliet

Oooh! I got done!!

Anna wasn't very impressed with my last email and gave me a bit of a telling off!! I have managed to turn this round and use it to my advantage so hopefully she will forgive me!!

Hello Juliet,

I am starting to sense some unseriousness in you. Referring to me as "Heinz-Beans" and banishing the devil with "a bong"? that was low. I am not in anyway forcing you to do this but making fun of my name in that manner was very juvenile and uncalled for.

Anna

Dear Miss Heinz.

 

Please accept my unreserved apologies for my previous email. I am truly glad you responded in the way you did. You see, it was a test. I wanted to see if you would pick up on my, albeit poor joke. I wanted to be absolutely certain that you were genuine and honest and that I wasn't about to make a massive mistake. I figured that if you didn't pick up on the Heinz-Beans, you weren't genuine. I am now satisfied that you are.

 

I want to reassure you that the other things I have told you are fact. I am an ordained member of the clergy, I am deaf and I would love to be able to help you to use this money for good purposes. Once again, I apologise for my mirth and hope you can forgive me badly considered actions. We must not hate people who have done wrong to us. For as soon as we begin to hate them, we become just like them, pathetic, bitter and untrue. I believe you a better person.

 

 

So, as I asked in my last message, how do we now proceed in making Mr Cooper my legal representative and you my social guide and advisor? Do I need to complete and send some kind of permission form?

 

I remember that you mentioned the family concerned wish nothing to do with the monies due to their Amish religion and lifestyle. I fully understand their decision and respect them for it. I would like to be able to do some good with the money on their behalf. I know many charitable causes that would benefit greatly. Do you have some form of documentation that relinquishes their claim on the money? I would hate for them to change their mind at some point and for me to end up in trouble.

 

Many thanks Miss Heinz for your compassion and understanding and I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

 

Yours

 

Rev J MacBeth

Get thee behind me Santa.

 It's been a few days since Miss Heinz's last email so I thought I should explain my delay. I also appear to have changed her name. I wonder if she'll notice?

 

 

Good morning to you Miss Heinz-Beans

Many thanks for your latest communication. I trust this message finds you well and happy. I think it will because he who seeds love, collects happiness and you Miss Heinz have planted the seed of love within my heart with your honesty and truth.

I too apologise for my lateness of reply. This was down to an unforeseen circumstance that befell me. There is a member of my congregation who has been troubled with disturbing behaviours of late. His family approached me and confessed they were convinced he was possessed by evil spirits and begged for me to perform an exorcism to rid him of said demons. We arranged to meet after the regular Sunday service and myself and a trusted colleague would perform the necessary ritual to free his soul. My friend is not deaf but has recently been learning sign language so I thought that would be helpful. We began the exorcism and all was going well until my colleague miss-signed Santa instead of Satan and all hell broke loose. The man we were exorcising suddenly stared rolling around the floor shouting "Jingle Bells, Jesus smells" over and over again in a most demonic voice I have ever heard. This was especially disturbing as he has been deaf from birth and has never learned to vocalise and words. Thankfully, I managed to get a grip of the situation and banish the evil spirits for good with the aid of some Holy Water, some incense and a bong. The outcome was a good one and he's now doing well and his behaviour has returned to normal.

So Miss Heinz, what do I need to do now and how do I authorise you as my social advisor and Mr Cooper as my legal representative? Please advise me forthwith so we can move things along. Like you said, I will not use this money for wrong doings or personal gain. In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. I shall use it to the good of my community.

Wishing you a pleasant and bountiful day.

Regards

Reverend Juliet MacBeth.

Sinister affairs.

Miss Heinz has now accepted that I am a vicar and also assumes that I can't speak which is good as now I won't be pressurised to provide a phone number! I am glad to be assured that the money had nothing to do with Hitler. I have no idea why he was even mentioned in the first place!!

Hello Reverend Mcbeth,

Sorry for my late reply; I was waiting for a permission from my superior as to what step I should take next. We have come to a consensus that the said fund/estate be assigned to you and your ministry however there's going to be some paperwork and protocols to follow.

Regarding the origin of the wealth: yes you have the right to ask and know. The wealth does not belong and never belonged nor ever had any direct connection with the now deceased Adolf Hitler. It was acquired under his reign by someone who worked under strict rules. The money was supposed to be used for sinister affairs but was systematically channelled for a business purpose. You will be given all the right documentation pertaining to the fund and you will be issued ownership slip.

We would however love to speak with you over the phone but this is going to pose a challenge considering your inability to speak. We have on this day monday 14th march 2016 assigned a personal assistance/advisor Mr Cooper to be your legal representative. He will henceforth handle all the legal task concerning your case as I am not allowed to represent you due to risk of "abuse of power or position" however, I can still act as your reference or social adviser and if you which that I become your legal representative then you have to send in a written letter stating this specifically.

I am not in the position to appoint legal or personal representative for you but you have the right to decline and request my assistance personally. You should know that this has no effect on the nature of which your case shall be handled but it might give you a rest of mind due to our already established contact or mutual understanding.

I am a strong believer and I have also prayed that you be given the exclusive right to manage and oversee the use of this fund. I prayed that God should open the heart of all the board members for them to make the right choice/decision and I am most grateful that my prayers was answered so yes I do believe in God. I hope you will use this estate for something good and not just squander on material things(I know you will do good with it)

I hope I have answered your question and also updated you on how far we have come. I hope to hear from you soon. I am always available so feel free to message me anytime.

With great regard

Anna Heinz

Church of the deaf disciple.

She changed her name and  decided to involve Hitler so I've decided to be an ordained Priestess of my own church. So there.

Dearest Miss Heinz

Many thanks for your most recent missives. I wish to reassure you that I am committed and trustworthy in this matter. I pray you, in your letters, when you shall these unlucky deeds relate, speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate, nor set down aught in malice. I am honest and at your service.

I was somewhat perturbed to hear of the connection to Hitler, of said monies. Did the money belong to him directly? I feel I must know more about the origin of the money and it's connection to Hitler. Whilst I realise he is long dead, The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.

I am so glad that you are an honourable person Miss Heinz. The fact that thou ares't a lawyer stands thee in good stead. There are far too many liars and vagabonds in today's society. To tell the truth and be honest in your ways is all I ask of thee. To report otherwise, were a malice, that, giving itself the lie, would pluck reproof and rebuke from every ear that heard it.

So Miss Heinz, thy wish to know more of my personal background. That is understandable. Mine honour is my life; both grow in one. Take honour from me, and my life is done.

Miss Heinz, I am a lady of God. I am an ordained priestess of the Church of the Deaf Disciple. The entire congregation is deaf, as am I. I saw a gap in the market and set up the church myself. Now, God be praised, that to believing souls gives light in darkness, comfort in despair. Are you a believer Miss Heinz? I prayed last night "O God, O God, how weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world!" But Miss Heinz, he showed me that with thine glorious assistance, my world can be profitable once more.

I look forward to your next message with further instructions as to how to advance this transaction.

Your servant in Faith

Reverend Lady Juliet MacBeth.

The Hitler connection.

Miss Heinz  as she is now to be called, explains to me the origins of the money. It makes little sense really, but then again, scammers never do! I need to know more of the Hitler connection. I am so glad they aren't telling me a 'cock and bull story' and that  the origin of the fund is 'unquestionably legit'. That really puts my mind at ease.

Hi again Juliet.

Thanks once again for the interest you have shown so far. My full name is Anna Heinz Andersson (Heinz is my middle name) so feel free to refer to me as Anna Heinz. I have a German origin and I work as a private solicitor in Scandinavia for a vast variety of client and organization.

The origin of the fund/estate is a bit out of the ordinary and has a historical twist to it. It was acquired during the 2nd world war - yes it was under the leadership of the person some considered to be the most hated man in history “Adolf Hitler” - the fund itself has since been invested and reinvested into various businesses until few years back when most shares were sold and a great sum was deposited in the bank on request.

The descendant of the the family whose most of the wealth was acquired from has since been contacted but refused to have any dealings with us or the money which has made the whole process difficult for over 4 years now, it’s like being caught between a rock and a hard place. I do understand the oddness of the transaction but it's better to be open with it than make up some silly cock and bull story.

We do not have much to say to the family hence they bluntly refused to have anything to do with it’ due to their religious believe (Amish) and the government don't have much to say to it either because it is a civil case. You might wonder why don't I or any of the board members take charge of it; well that would be a conflict of interest due to the position my family had in some of the estate holding in addition to the simple fact that I am their solicitor. Furthermore, the board of trustee, lawyers and I came to the agreement to seek an external heir to the fund in order to carry out the transaction and begin the transition process.

We have done some research and came up with a few number of people to choose from - you came as the top choice in a random selection after which led us to a more deeper analysis until we finally made the decision to go with you. The legality of the origin of the said fund is unquestionably legit although it might have caused a few individual some discomfort and agony but there was however no life lost for its cause and homage and any other feud/animosity has since been settled.

Please I will like to move to the next stage which is presenting you to the board of directors/lawyers and for this I am going to need some personal information from you such as full name, address and a direct phone number to start with. You should also be willing to travel to attend a meeting for a proper formal introduction and personal introduction as well as id verification.

Time might be of the essence here but we are not in a such haste as to ignore vital necessity or to neglect crucial and important steps. Need I remind you that this is not in any way or similarity in conjunction with the spam emails that sometimes circulate on the internet so I will once again urge you to take this with full seriousness and be 100% committed to it.  Your trust, commitment and full dedication is what is needed here.

I need your permission to present your interest before the committee but first you must send me a written letter (email) of intent: stating your interest and acceptance upon knowing the origin and legality of the said fund/estate and portfolio. We are very keen in the personal background of any potential heir. What is mostly required of you is like I mentioned earlier “ dedication and trust to serve the community.

I await your prompt reply so that I can continue with the ongoing process. I can not stress enough the importance of our commitment.

I am very grateful for your dedication and interest. I hope to hear from you soon.

With regards

Anna .H. Andersson

Private Solicitor.

A rose by any other name.

It took a few days but Anna eventually replied to me. It's only the second email and 'she's' already changed her name. She's Anna Heinz at the beginning of the email, but back to Andersson at the end. How confusing.

 

 

Hello Juliet

My name is Anna Heinz. I am doing my due diligence to confirm the notion/claim that you are a reliable and commited member of the society. Though this might come as a surprise to you. However, I will urge you to take this with utmost seriousness with attention to details and atypical nature of my proposal. 

I have under my supervision a rather huge amount of money/assets to be used/invested in any profitable venture. However, part of it was meant for charity while the other part was to be invested. With you as the overseer; the proceedings will further be used for charity purpose. Furthermore I cannot disclose the full amount and the whereabouts of the money as of now. Be rest assured that this is a legitimate and time limited offer which you have been selected to carry out. A part of the total sum is already assigned to you in a form of payment for your time and effort. 

A good devoted person is what is needed.

It is of great importance that this be carried out as stipulated with little or no alteration. I hope you will find this offer enticing and rewarding enough. Please get back to me as soon as you can so that we can start with the paperworks and furnish you with the necessary procedures. 

Be kind enough to provide me with more of your contact details such as a phone number for quicker and easier communication. Feel free to ask any question I believe you will have a few. 

Thanks for your interest.

Yours sincerely

Anna .H.  Andersson

 

 

I reply, questioning her name and throwing in a few quotes.

 

Dear Miss Anna Andersson.

Many thanks for your electronic message. I am somewhat confused by your name. Do you wish for me to call the Miss Heinz or Miss Andersson? What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Please inform me forthwith of your chosen moniker.

Anyway, to business. I really need to know more about thine proposition. This vast sum of money thy speaketh of, please furnish me with adequate details of its ownership and credibility.

I can assure thee that I am of the highest calibre of citizen and only maketh acquaintance with those who are good, honest folk. I take no chances because misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. I am neither strange, nor miserable so be assured I am committed to this deal. Though this be madness, yet there be method in't.

Miss Andersson or Heinz, please inform me of how to proceed in this matter. I am not scared. Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt. Let us become partners in this scheme and speed it hastily to its conclusion.

In strictest confidence

Juliet MacBeth